Having lived abroad for many years; in Moscow and later on in Oxford, London and other places in Europe; have definitely come across American Born Confused Desis (ABCDs). But in most cases, the letter A can be replaced by either Australia or UK or maybe, even Canada.
Recently had 2 such encounters – thanks to my blog. Would love to mention them here with no names since we shall respect the privacy of the Australian Born Confused Desi and Canadian Born Confused Desi in question here.
My first curious case is a pretty lady from Australia. She’s Indian, from the North of India and living in Australia. Of course, if you still have a few brain cells active in your brain, you can definitely guess which state she comes from. Can’t guess? Damn. Fine. I will give a hint. Highest numbers of cab drivers in NY are from this state; even London in that way! They are desperate to move to Kannada (sorry! that was meant to be Canada but pronounced as Kannada). Anyways, she read my blog post “HR Experience in India” and wrote me a lovely email. Appeared sensible, nice, polished and definitely not a typical ABCD (Australian Born Confused Desi). Mentioned some warm words on how she felt and so on. I reciprocated sending her a thank you email and since she had approached my blog via LinkedIn, sent her a LinkedIn request. She sent a message back saying: “Apologies, can’t accept. Since you are from India. If I do accept yours, I have seen in the past – Indian guys will bombard me with add requests.” Understood. But never had anyone refusing my request in recent times, so felt kinda ‘pretty bad’, if I may put it in that way. Anyways, she doesn’t chat, doesn’t write much, doesn’t like reading much, doesn’t do LI much as well. As it so happens, during our conversation she mentioned – “Out of the 100% Indian men I have met so far, 99% of the FOB types (Fresh off the boat) types think they are John Abraham and think I will talk to them and the rest 1% are arrogant guys assuming they know it all!” She was trying to figure out which one I was. Hmmmmmm… Well, I must acknowledge, I have definitely seen and met some real UK-born Confused Desis back in the U.K.; but never met anyone like her ever. There’s something wrong with the Australian lifestyle or maybe too much booze or maybe the weather’s so dry, it turns even humble Indians into Racists. I said – “Hey, FOB is a derogatory term… to use against your own people!”, Then sent her a befitting reply (with lots of ‘f’ words in it which need to be censored for editorial purposes). The lady fucking writes an email to me from nowhere, and then tries to figure out whether I’m in 99% or remaining 1%. Hmmmmmmmm…. well, as it so happens, I have a big middle finger, so wrote a nice ‘Brit english’ middle finger email. Never heard from her again.
The second case if of another curious lady. This one from Canada. Same here. Read my blog, thus, wrote an email to me to begin with. In the course of her communication – as usual, girls are pretty bad in hiding emotions, the same emotion came out – “I hate Indian guys! They are all such douchebags”. I was like – hey! relax… You maybe born in Canada, but I believe you still have parents living who are Indians. And calling Indians ‘douchebags’ when you were born out of them – ain’t that pretty sarcastic? Anyways, we parted our ways. Never heard from her again.
The moral of this post is – I still don’t understand. I really still don’t understand why Indians – we as people – are such queer animals. No nationality from any other country on earth hates each other so much. I have lived in so many countries and observed it. If a Russian guy gets teased by a group of English hooligans in London or Oxford, I still remember, 50 Russian/Uzbek/Tatar guys once came to one of our colleges to bash up the bad guys! And they don’t even belong to the same country.
Indians born abroad – aren’t special. In fact, in some ways they are worse than the worst imaginable. Doing drugs, getting into trouble and being on the wrong side of the law – is like a prestige. Had an excellent experience of this while visiting the Cowley area of Oxford which is full of 2nd generation UKBCDs (UK Born Confused Desis) from India, Pakistan and Bangladesh. What makes them feel special? What gives them that height of elevation? I do not know. Probably shall never know.
And as for the ABCD, UKBCD and CBCD women – well, less said the better. Mallika Sherawat is their role model. The whites don’t want them in their group – the ones who have migrated from here see them with suspicion. Result – most of the UKBCD girls I dated whilst in the U.K. were completely unknown of who they were, they are, where they are heading and what they wish to do with their lives. And the worst hit are the ones from North of India. Especially Punjabis and Haryanvis. Reason is simple – They can’t find proper matches for their girls. 2nd generation Indian guys wouldn’t want them (they have better & prettier white girl-options to fall back on) and those like us who had either migrated or working, wouldn’t want to settle with a UKBCD. So only option left for the parents is to go to remote villages in Punjab, and get guys to move to UK and get their daughters married to them. This massive cultural shift at most times doesn’t pay off. I still remember the big story of a guy (who was forced to immigrate from India and married off to a UKBCD) killing his wife (cause she was partying wild and boozing with men after marriage till late nights) and then killing himself. It was big news in 2005/2006 in the U.K. This one happened a few months ago! Read it here. And in most cases, if the daughters go out on hand, this is the only way out. Read it here. Another horrifying story of father killing his own UKBCD daughter.
Where you are born is NOT of importance.
What language you speak is NOT of importance.
What skin color you have is NOT of importance.
What you do with your LIFE is.
I wish someone could show some light into the lives of these ABCDs, UKBCDs & CBCDs.
Thus, have learnt my lesson now. If any ABCD, UKBCD, CBCD writes an email to me… will definitely delete it. Don’t want anyone to call me a “dork” or say “Indian guys are douche bags”.